Stumbling Along The Path to Buddhism

Stumbling Towards Enlightenment.

Like children we spend a whole life time crawling…stumbling towards enlightenment…we try to stand…to move instinctively in the direction…in tune with the music…the melody that resonates within us…and we struggle to learn the steps of our particular dance…falling because we have not learned to master our own awkward push pull rhythms… because we don’t know how to listen…we’re not able to focus on the true tempo…and so we continue…falling…crawling…stumbling… towards enlightenment.

PILGRIMAGE TO THE BUDDHIST CENTER

I arrived exhausted
Needing to unload
My heavy restless mind
That caused my feet to swell
At the center
The woman was kind
Her smile sympathetic.
She sold me
A basic book
And music to sooth the thinking mind
No longer tired
I hurried home
Hoarding my answer
At once
Impatiently
I unwrapped the cellophane to wisdom
Put the tape
Pressed play
And flipped through the pages
Waiting for the music…
Nothing…
Press fast forward
Nothing
And I shout shit!!!
The Buddhists’ ripped me off
Took my money
Then I suddenly realized
Closed the book
And listened to the silence.

JIN MOK: EYE OF TRUTH

A name
My name
My name?
A guiding star
I try to wrestle to the ground
Words slippery as eels
The alphabet
Cemented with seminal fluid
Gestures premeditated?
Calculated?
An equation?
What’s the answer?
Dirt over a corpus
Finally silence
Truth
When breath ceases
Lies sleep.

AN HOUR, A YEAR

I try to sit
An hour
A year
It does not matter
Where I go
I soon start to fidget
Wanting to get up and leave
There is no where I want to be
I’m tried of traveling
But restlessness keeps pushing these feet forward
Babcia said
I was born with pepper
In my underwear
An hour
A year
I keep trying to sit
Longer and longer

A STRUGGLE TOWARDS THE LIGHT

On the window
Pain
A fly struggling
Longing for the freedom of the light
It sees but cannot attain
I gently usher it towards the opening
Because I see
But the fly stupidly resists
Thinking it knows better
Buzzing further from its goal
I try several times
Then swat it
Basha
Maybe you’ll figure it out in the next life
And I sense
I’m being watched in the same way.

IDEALS

Because I’m not enlightened
I approach Buddhism from the outside in
I shave my head
And dress like a monk
Because it helps contain me
Within the reinforced conception of behavior
I hold in my mind
I never see them
Ranting and raving
Or staggering drunk
At least not in uniform
Not that they don’t
It’s just I haven’t seen it
And that contains my content
for ideals.

MY CHEAP TEA SET PHILOSOPHY

I took it everywhere
I went
Wrapped in my underwear and socks
Time chipped the cup
And I continued to drink
Seeing the clay beneath the enamel
Every time my lips touched the brim
I was reminded
Of the duality of this world
My illusions began to crumble
Piece by piece
And I knew
But instead of smashing the cup on a rock
It became my favorite
I was attached
To that daily reminder
Not able to step over and beyond
Though I drank green tea clarity
Then one day
Seeking a teacher
And guidance
I gave it to Hung gak se nim while he was on his book tour
But he thanked me for the gift
Perhaps it will serve as his hwado